About me
Growing up, I never knew anything about ADHD; all I knew is that I’m “weird but nice”. I’ve always been driven by my questions. I can read a face, a pause, or a sigh, but if you get a haircut, I won’t notice. My hyperactivity shows up in my imagination, voice, face and fingertips; the rest of me moves in a dreamy atmosphere.
When I became a young adult, I couldn’t work out how to take care of myself (turns out my main executive function support strategy had been my mum). I dropped out of many things: mainstream society, the job market, and most of the universities in New Zealand. I was always learning nerdy ideas, but life skills like keeping a car on the road or buying shoes were a complete mystery.
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Thanks to the wonders of social conditioning, I assumed that I was morally flawed, not trying hard enough, or psychologically damaged - and that this was my fate. Luckily, through teaching and talking with others, I began to doubt common ideas around capability, ‘wanting it enough’, and trying harder. I found techniques that helped the people I was working with to be motivated and interested, and to get results.
When I found out about inattentive ADHD, it was like reading my life story. I cried. I was told by a psychiatrist that I’m too functional to have ADHD. So I went to the user-generated ADHD tips on the internet, tried out everything, and kept what worked. My anxiety and drifting became mostly manageable. As I learned to understand my own confusing inconsistency, I started on the long road to trusting myself.
I was diagnosed with ADHD four years ago. Medication helps me. But I believe that learning how to work with my brain and environment has had the biggest benefit. And I know that social change would help many of us even more, so that shame is replaced by support.
My creativity allows me to solve problems and generate meaningfulness. My systems thinking showed me how to set up my world so that it’s easier to do stuff. My hyperfocus speeds me along in research. My special interest in psychology meant that I’ve been able to coach myself. These are a few of the ADHD superpowers that have helped on my journey.
I’m still learning how to plan big projects, to do admin, to enjoy the long haul of working towards a goal. But I know that every strategy I invent to help myself may also help someone else, and this makes it interesting.
I’m becoming proud of my weirdness! My humour, my honesty, my ability to connect quickly with people, my un-common sense - these were precious tools for surviving the instability of my younger days. And now I use them to thrive in my life, and to help others on their neurodiversity self-discovery journeys.
ADHD tools
This is a way to help you manage adult ADHD overwhelm. It helps you to work out when you’re at risk of getting overwhelmed, to learn the signs that it’s happening, and to make a plan for what to do when you start getting overwhelmed. Then you can use that plan to cool your brain down, before you get too overwhelmed to be able to help yourself.
For me, being spaced out is like being tossed along in a sea of moments, without an anchor. This article will help you navigate your responsibilities on a spaced out day. This is something that can happen with adult ADHD, so let’s get some strategies to help!
Body doubling is an ADHD support strategy that helps you to do the things you’d usually avoid, by working at the same time as somebody else. Here’s how to body double, in person or online, including how to set it up, when to use it, how it works, and who you could try it with.
Getting started on a task can be hard when you have ADHD. Here’s some tips for getting started, and a tool that I use many times a day when I get stuck in procrastination.
“Perfection isn’t a prerequisite for self-trust… It’s consistency in another form: knowing that I do my best, learn from my mistakes, practice honesty, and pull through most of the time. Understanding my version of ADHD has transformed my ability to trust myself.”
Celebrating feels good! Feeling good increases motivation. This technique trains you to reward yourself frequently by celebrating throughout your day - naming what you did and choosing to feel good about it. This technique is especially useful for ADHDers who struggle with the idea of celebrating anything less than perfection.
A crucial part of adult ADHD time management is actually knowing what time it is. Time is something that we often need to have a sense of: it helps us to orient ourselves within our day. Is it time to get up, to get dinner ready, to get back to work, to start winding down? Who knows? I do, now, because of clocks.
Sometimes you have a little task you want to do...but you put it off day after day after day...and then when you finally do it, it takes 5 minutes, leaving you to wonder why you wasted all that energy feeling bad about procrastinating on it. Using this technique, I get to jump to the 'DONE' state on that task without even having to procrastinate for weeks!
Why do I use timers? Because they focus my brain, allow me to get started, and assure me that soon I’ll be able to stop if I want. They create a container that holds my attention, letting me move forward and keeping procrastination at bay. Here’s some ways to use timers to help adult ADHD.
For adult ADHDers, it's common to procrastinate on doing a task because it feels too difficult. (Or impossible, even.) But what if the problem isn't you or your character? Don't go changing. Change the task instead - find a way to make it easier!
This ADHD strategy review will help you to identify and to take action to improve the ways you manage your ADHD. This can be done across whatever areas of life that matter right now, from eating to medication to your work life. It's a simple, practical process that will help you make small changes to get big results over time.
If a task feels too difficult, it's probably because you haven't made it easy enough yet. If you have a desk/book/computer-based task that you want to do, and you're wanting a bit of extra oomph to get into it, a very simple way to help yourself is to go somewhere else to do it.
You can ‘get motivated’. Or you can make the task itself more motivating! To do this, we can add: Passion, Interest, Challenge, Keenness, Fun, Urgency, or Newness. This helps us to be more attracted to the task, and that makes the task easier to do.
Your ADHD superpowers are like having a big magic stash of cash money hidden under your bed. It’s only useful if you remember to use it! Once you know what your ADHD superpowers are, you can set things up so that they’ll be prompted into action.
Goals can go jump in the lake! ADHDers can support their executive functions through structure, motivation and positive emotion, so they can do what they want.
For adults with ADHD, it can be exhausting trying to remember all the things we want to do now, later, or at some point. The jot-down book helps you to support your executive functions through being an external aid to memory. It’s simple to run, and lets you feel more relaxed and less anxious. And it helps you to get the important things done!
Lots of people put themselves down when talking to others. In people with ADHD, this habit can be especially compulsive and brutal. Here’s a way to quit trash-talking yourself, which can help you feel better about yourself too.
They say that ADHD often isn’t a problem with KNOWING what to do; it’s a problem with actually DOING it. So technically that makes it a problem of knowing how to GET yourself to do what you want to do! Here are 4 steps that can help you to choose a new self-management strategy that will actually stick.
You can actively choose a mindset that serves you, using these practical steps. This helps you move past self-limiting beliefs and choose what you want in your life.
Here is a tool to help you when you’re struggling with the pressure and overwhelm of ADHD burnout. You can bring yourself back from the edge, and in this way let your nervous system recover more quickly.
When we’re wound up, we’re more at risk of self-destructive behaviours. Our ADHD symptoms are likely to get worse (including on the following days). And it just generally feels yuk. So what are some ADHD-friendly ways to cool down a nervous system?
By untangling The Knot, you can often overcome procrastination and move forward with complex tasks - and feel so much better.
Here are 10 creative lessons I learnt from watching RuPaul’s Drag Race (somewhat obsessively).
Finishing up a project and cleaning up afterwards can be hard for people with executive function challenges. Here are 6 tips to make it easier to get it done.
The to-do list is a powerful and simple organisational tool. If you struggle to make a to-do list work for you, here is a process I hope will help.
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