6 steps to a new mindset
Mindset matters!
I know, I know: The way people talk about mindset can sound very blame-and-shame, as if when you can’t do something, it’s because you FAILED to have the right mindset. So firstly, I’d like to put that idea in a corner and set fire to it. And then I want to show you how to actually change your mindset, in specific, practical steps that you can try out immediately.
For me, a mindset is a framework through which we interpret what’s happening. It’s a belief that helps us explain or respond to the world. It may be summed up in a phrase we say to ourselves, like a motto (or perhaps, all too frequently, something more self-deprecating). Shifting your mindset can transform the way you engage in situations. And it can do this much more quickly than the vital but slow work of improving your self-esteem.
Mindsets aren’t good or bad; they simply work for us more or less well at this point in our lives. And often we haven’t actively chosen them. So why not choose ones that actually serve us?
How does this relate to ADHD?
Life is full of ‘choice points’ where we’re poised between two tiny options, such as giving up or pushing through something uncomfortable. Our mindset can prime us to tip towards the side that we would ideally prefer to choose. Or the opposite.
As ADHDers, we’ve often learnt a lot of self-limiting beliefs. These may protect us from repeating past negative feelings related to executive function challenges. But they also can drain our motivation and confidence, and make our lives smaller. As an adult with ADHD, I assure you: anything healthy and legal that helps reduce ADHD procrastination is worth trying!
To demonstrate: Having trouble filling out an online form? As the frustration level goes from zero to a hundred, you’re battling an inner critic who asks What Exactly Is Wrong With You Anyway? And on top of that, you may have a mindset that tells you: I’m useless with computers. So you abandon the attempt.
However, you could have a mindset you can call on to remind you: I’m a smart cookie and I can figure this out. So yes, at first you walk away and do a bit of cursing-related-relaxation, but then you RETURN. And so you do figure it out. Magic!
How to change your mindset
1. Name the mindset you want to change
Clearly identify the mindset that no longer serves you. Your negative self-talk can help you work this out. Listen out for what you tell yourself - maybe even out loud - when you hit an obstacle or temptation.
Example: “I hate exercise”. Yes, this example is based on my real life.
2. Get clear on why you want to change
Ask yourself: What’s the current cost or long-term consequence of my current mindset?
Example: The current cost of my mindset is I don’t consistently get the amount of movement that helps me sleep and focus, and I sometimes feel a weird energy in my body.
3. Choose your target mindset
Brainstorm the new belief that you want. It has to be something that your brain can accept (with a stretch if needed).
Example: I want to encourage myself to choose to include movement in my day whenever it’s easy to do so. I’m not too fussed about what kind of movement, because I like variety. I want to remember that I love moving around and that it’s fun, as long as I’m not 10 years old and in P.E. class.
4. Turn the mindset into a motto
This is where you take the mindset and condense it down into a private shorthand in words. Work out a motto or saying that stands in for your new belief. This could be personal, such as ‘I can do hard things’. If your brain rejects anything nice being said about you, you can make it more general, such as ‘Healthy food is tasty food’.
Make sure it’s something catchy that you have a positive emotional response to. You could do an internet quote search on your mindset theme, note down word combinations that resonate, and then form it into a memorable phrase.
Example: I want to avoid the word ‘exercise’ in my new mindset because I associate it with being uncomfortable and being told what to do. I want my new mindset to be based on enjoyment, because that’s my best motivator. I like the word ‘movement’ because it gives me a good range to choose from. I end up with: “Moving my body feels good.” This is simple, short, usually true and gives me a happy feeling.
5. Memorise and rehearse
To remember to use it in moments that matter, it helps to memorise your new mindset and practise it in advance. You can visualise the situations where the old mindset would pop up, and imagine yourself saying the new motto to yourself, thus prompting the new mindset, and encouraging new choices and results.
Example: I run a mental movie which has a ‘choice point’ - like driving to the shops or else walking there. I tell myself, “Moving my body feels good”, then I imagine walking to the shops and feeling happy. I run through this in my head a bunch of times. I repeat this visualisation process at least once a day for the week or so it takes the new mindset to start operating on its own.
6. Use your new mindset
Repeat your new mindset motto to yourself whenever you get to a relevant ‘choice point’, or when the old mindset pops up. If you do this consistently, it can quickly become easy to bring yourself back to this new mindset - and believe it!
Example: I get home from work and collapse on the couch, but I know it’s mental tiredness, not physical. When pondering whether to stay zoning out or get up and move around, I say to myself, “Moving my body feels good”. This reminds me of my chosen mindset, so I put on some loud music and dance around for a few songs. Not only do I feel better from moving, I also feel good about having made a choice that supports what I want in my life.
And that’s how you change your mindset! If you’d like support to change a specific mindset, you can book an ADHD coaching session with me, and together we can make it happen.